My now three year old middle son has always been quit the handful and challenge. I know from being here that there are many contributing factors. I was already having panic attacks when he was conceived and continued while I was expecting him until shortly after he was born. He was post due and had to be induced. We were just minutes from being able to leave the hospital when they came back to tell us he could not leave yet because he was jaundiced and needed to stay over night at least in the hospital to say on the lights. I was discharged but they had a little room I could stay in while he was there. He was able to go home late the next evening but he needed more light treatment. They arranged for him to have the light treatment at home. He had to stay on the lights for a week. I could only take him off of them to feed and change him. The nurse came every day to check his Billy Ruben count.
Not long after that he started crying for 6 weeks at a time. No other symptoms, so I thought he must just be colicky. He also had a super strong startle reflex. Most babies when you lay them down to sleep will stat a little maybe a little jump and flutter their eyes and go back to sleep. My son would start sitting straight up, eyes wide open and start screaming and crying! I had to either hold him, or go to bed with him to get him to stay asleep, and man talk about fighting sleep. I had to rock him almost aggressively and hum loudly in a monotone. He would fight harder if I sang or spoke sweetly, just seemed to irritate him further. Years later as he would still frequently do the just being intolerably ill for 6 weeks at a time, still no other symptoms, I finally took him to the doctor. He had strep throat. Now as I had learned his symptoms for strep, not only was he having it 4-6 times a year but I realized that was what all that crying most likely was when he was a baby. It escalated to him having strep 5 times in 5 months, so we had his tonsils out. That one thing has just made the most dramatic difference in his behavior and development.
Having his tonsils out had made such a dramatic difference that I was not even sure he still needed the appointment with the behavior therapist. After much thought and observing, I decided that we were still having a big problem in the area of violence. He has improved but not enough. He still gets in trouble several times a day for hitting, punching, and kicking and scratching his brother especially but not exclusively.
So I went for the preliminary appointment and told them all I was concerned about and filled out all the paper work. Then the next appointment was for me to bring him back. We talked about what he was doing that I was worried about and what I was doing about it. I told her all about putting him in time out, even in the grocery store. That when he throws a fit cause he does not like change, so every time we go from one activity to another its time for a fit, that I don't even let him stop me. We would never get any thing done if I stopped every time he threw a fit. So I just pick him up kicking and screaming and go one with what ever I was doing. She ask me how I came up with these techniques and I said trial and error. She said why did you not just give up! I said I think I am just stubborn. She said, I guess we know he comes by it honestly. Ha Ha!
I have read articles about all kinds of things about parenting now, but when I started with my first born I did not know what I was doing and I was doing the same thing with him... The difference is that because the second son was more difficult I faltered from my technique searching desperately for any thing that would work better. Surely even with the research I have done, is not all parenting trial and error.
She said my techniques were well researched and recommended a little tweaking. One thing she recommended was that when it came time for time out that time out does not count until they are sitting still and being quiet. I had not cared if they cried and did not like it, after all its a punishment. The first few days of making my son stay still and quiet for just 3 minutes were not pleasant. The first night he stayed for two hours before he finally sat still and was quiet for 3 minutes. The second night it was three hours and he only sat still and quiet finally because he nodded off as it was bed time. She also recommended a time out last 1 and 1 half minute per year of their age. I have had such a hard time getting just the three minutes out of my son that I thought I would build up to that time gradually.
Of course no change like this just works out smoothly. For privacy sake I will just say, one member of my family said they flat out refuse to do this technique when they have the kids and that I must have misunderstood the therapist and they were going to call the therapist because my son was not capable of this. I only even bring that part up, because I know I am not the only person to face some adversity when it comes to seeking consistent discipline for the kids. I can't say that I even know the exact solution for this type of problem. All I can say is that I did then, and have continued since, standing up for my choice as the parent of these children.
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